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30 Days of TV - Day 14
( The Days )
Day 14 - Favorite male character
I doubt it will surprise anyone that my favourite male character is John Winchester of Supernatural.
John is...John is just my perfect fictional character.
He's someone I love to write about, because although there are aspects of his life no amount of research will help me understand, on an emotional level I 'get' him. I know where he's coming from, and it's not far from the place all my fic comes from. So he's perfect for me. Don't get me wrong: if I knew the guy in real life I'd probably hate his guts, and I know for sure he'd scare the crap out of me. But as a voice in my head, as a TV hero or a character for me to write about, I'm crazy in love with John Winchester.
Say whatever you like about the mistakes he made; that man loved his kids. And he did his best by them. Maybe his best wasn't all that great, but it was his best. And they loved him, too.
That got lost somewhat after John died. Dean was in a lot of pain and tended to focus on the bad parts of John. It was a coping mechanism, and a necessary part of Dean growing the hell up. But notice that when someone else criticised his Dad, Dean was swift to jump to his defence - as in his conversation with Henrikson in Night Shifter. Sam...well, Sam says it all in his speech to Dean at the end of Everybody Loves A Clown: he and John fought because they were so damn alike. That's something I can relate to. But underneath the fighting, they still loved each other, and Sam will spend the rest of his life regretting that his last words to John were spoken in anger.
Dean in particular came to resent a lot of the choices John made, and damn, he had a right to those feelings. John made a lot of mistakes. But part of Dean's resentment is jealousy and low self-esteem. John is the hero Dean could never live up to. For Sam, I think the opposite was true: he'd never seen his father as a hero, but after John died, he began to empathise more and more with him. Though he doesn't openly disagree with Dean's criticisms of their father, he doesn't support them, either. But I think it's important to be aware that both boys are unreliable narrators when it comes to John. You have to look behind the words to get a clear picture of who he is.
One of the wonderful things about John as a character is we got to see two such different sides of him. Here, have a pic:
John started out as a normal guy. Not your usual TV hero material: he wasn't wealthy or educated. He wasn't an officer. He was a corporal, and when he came home, he was a mechanic. He was a Vietnam vet, but he came home from the war in good shape, both physically and emotionally. He met Mary, the love of his life, and had a happy marriage. Yes, canon implies the marriage was less than perfect, but what couple doesn't have an occasional black spot? I don't think anyone can question how deeply John loved Mary.
The night she died, John lost almost everything. It would have been enough that he lost the love of his life, but the bizzare manner of her death took something more important from him: his sense of security in his normal life. Is it any wonder he began to see the world as a battlefield after that? He lost his home in that fire, and most likely just about everything he owned that wasn't in the car. Canon is unclear on this point, but it seems likely that a lot of suspicion fell on John after Mary's death. The only thing he had left was his kids, and that must have panicked him: even the best parent would feel the pressure of having a toddler and a six month old baby to care for, alone. But you know what? The man kept his shit together. He didn't decide he was crazy and spend the rest of his life drunk. (Yeah, we know he went on an occasional bender - do you blame him? But it didn't incapacitate him. How often did we see him drunk in canon?) John kept it together, and after he learned the truth from Missouri, everything John was went into keeping his boys safe. Everything.
Sure, there were times he did a piss-poor job of it. It's certainly true that a lot of Dean's emotional problems can be laid at John's door. But that's part of why I love the man. He didn't get it right, but damn, he tried hard the only way he knew. And let's face it, without the choices he made, without the training and experience he gave them, those boys would be dead. Because Azazel was coming for Sam regardless.
When John left Dean and Sam at the beginning of the series, he thought he was protecting them. I suspect the cryptic voicemail he left for Dean was calculated to prompt Dean to do exactly what he did: make a beeline for Sam. We'll probably never know exactly what John was up to during that year, but we can be sure it was dangerous. We know he didn't expect to survive when he finally faced down the demon.
What must it have done to him to be possessed by that thing? He spent twenty two years hunting it, hating it and planning to kill it. And when they finally came face to face, John lost the fight. What hell did he go through, being the instrument through which the demon tortured his boys? It's hard to imagine. Of course he was ready to die. Of course he begged Sam to shoot him, if it would take the demon out, too. And if John knew even a fraction of Azazel's ultimate plan, wasn't the agony that act would inflict on the boys worth it? But of course, he had no time to explain, and likely wouldn't have anyway. Of course, neither Dean nor Sam could conceive of any future so horrible it would be worth their father's death to prevent it. If Sam had known, don't you think he would have killed John that day?
But John could see that future. He knew what was coming. We don't know how much he knew, but it was enough. He knew Sam was the target. And when Dean lay dying, John had the courage to recognise that he could not save Sam himself. They fought too often. Sam wouldn't listen to him, or trust him. Without Dean, Sam would leave him. But what John couldn't do, Dean might. Sam would stay with Dean, and John believed that Dean would save Sam, because that's what Dean had been doing all his life. John gave up everything, literally gambled his soul to do the one thing that would save both his sons.
How can you not love a man like that?
Yeah, he screwed up. Yes, he's to blame for not warning them sufficiently. Yes, he's to blame for Dean being so f-ed up in the year after he died. But you can't say the man didn't have his heart in the right place.
That's why I love John.
But the guy could be badass, too. SPN canon tells us of John's towering reputation among hunters; but canon only shows us a little of why he deserved that rep. Sometimes a little is enough, though. Remember this?
John turned a whole cistern into holy water...just in case. So when he needed it, all he had to do was turn on a tap. The only one who can beat that is Bobby blessing the water main in No Rest For The Wicked and sending holy water through the sprinklers. I wonder which of them taught the other that trick.
And if I still haven't convinced you...who can resist that smile?
Day 14 - Favorite male character
I doubt it will surprise anyone that my favourite male character is John Winchester of Supernatural.
John is...John is just my perfect fictional character.
He's someone I love to write about, because although there are aspects of his life no amount of research will help me understand, on an emotional level I 'get' him. I know where he's coming from, and it's not far from the place all my fic comes from. So he's perfect for me. Don't get me wrong: if I knew the guy in real life I'd probably hate his guts, and I know for sure he'd scare the crap out of me. But as a voice in my head, as a TV hero or a character for me to write about, I'm crazy in love with John Winchester.
Say whatever you like about the mistakes he made; that man loved his kids. And he did his best by them. Maybe his best wasn't all that great, but it was his best. And they loved him, too.
That got lost somewhat after John died. Dean was in a lot of pain and tended to focus on the bad parts of John. It was a coping mechanism, and a necessary part of Dean growing the hell up. But notice that when someone else criticised his Dad, Dean was swift to jump to his defence - as in his conversation with Henrikson in Night Shifter. Sam...well, Sam says it all in his speech to Dean at the end of Everybody Loves A Clown: he and John fought because they were so damn alike. That's something I can relate to. But underneath the fighting, they still loved each other, and Sam will spend the rest of his life regretting that his last words to John were spoken in anger.
Dean in particular came to resent a lot of the choices John made, and damn, he had a right to those feelings. John made a lot of mistakes. But part of Dean's resentment is jealousy and low self-esteem. John is the hero Dean could never live up to. For Sam, I think the opposite was true: he'd never seen his father as a hero, but after John died, he began to empathise more and more with him. Though he doesn't openly disagree with Dean's criticisms of their father, he doesn't support them, either. But I think it's important to be aware that both boys are unreliable narrators when it comes to John. You have to look behind the words to get a clear picture of who he is.
One of the wonderful things about John as a character is we got to see two such different sides of him. Here, have a pic:
John started out as a normal guy. Not your usual TV hero material: he wasn't wealthy or educated. He wasn't an officer. He was a corporal, and when he came home, he was a mechanic. He was a Vietnam vet, but he came home from the war in good shape, both physically and emotionally. He met Mary, the love of his life, and had a happy marriage. Yes, canon implies the marriage was less than perfect, but what couple doesn't have an occasional black spot? I don't think anyone can question how deeply John loved Mary.
The night she died, John lost almost everything. It would have been enough that he lost the love of his life, but the bizzare manner of her death took something more important from him: his sense of security in his normal life. Is it any wonder he began to see the world as a battlefield after that? He lost his home in that fire, and most likely just about everything he owned that wasn't in the car. Canon is unclear on this point, but it seems likely that a lot of suspicion fell on John after Mary's death. The only thing he had left was his kids, and that must have panicked him: even the best parent would feel the pressure of having a toddler and a six month old baby to care for, alone. But you know what? The man kept his shit together. He didn't decide he was crazy and spend the rest of his life drunk. (Yeah, we know he went on an occasional bender - do you blame him? But it didn't incapacitate him. How often did we see him drunk in canon?) John kept it together, and after he learned the truth from Missouri, everything John was went into keeping his boys safe. Everything.
Sure, there were times he did a piss-poor job of it. It's certainly true that a lot of Dean's emotional problems can be laid at John's door. But that's part of why I love the man. He didn't get it right, but damn, he tried hard the only way he knew. And let's face it, without the choices he made, without the training and experience he gave them, those boys would be dead. Because Azazel was coming for Sam regardless.
When John left Dean and Sam at the beginning of the series, he thought he was protecting them. I suspect the cryptic voicemail he left for Dean was calculated to prompt Dean to do exactly what he did: make a beeline for Sam. We'll probably never know exactly what John was up to during that year, but we can be sure it was dangerous. We know he didn't expect to survive when he finally faced down the demon.
What must it have done to him to be possessed by that thing? He spent twenty two years hunting it, hating it and planning to kill it. And when they finally came face to face, John lost the fight. What hell did he go through, being the instrument through which the demon tortured his boys? It's hard to imagine. Of course he was ready to die. Of course he begged Sam to shoot him, if it would take the demon out, too. And if John knew even a fraction of Azazel's ultimate plan, wasn't the agony that act would inflict on the boys worth it? But of course, he had no time to explain, and likely wouldn't have anyway. Of course, neither Dean nor Sam could conceive of any future so horrible it would be worth their father's death to prevent it. If Sam had known, don't you think he would have killed John that day?
But John could see that future. He knew what was coming. We don't know how much he knew, but it was enough. He knew Sam was the target. And when Dean lay dying, John had the courage to recognise that he could not save Sam himself. They fought too often. Sam wouldn't listen to him, or trust him. Without Dean, Sam would leave him. But what John couldn't do, Dean might. Sam would stay with Dean, and John believed that Dean would save Sam, because that's what Dean had been doing all his life. John gave up everything, literally gambled his soul to do the one thing that would save both his sons.
How can you not love a man like that?
Yeah, he screwed up. Yes, he's to blame for not warning them sufficiently. Yes, he's to blame for Dean being so f-ed up in the year after he died. But you can't say the man didn't have his heart in the right place.
That's why I love John.
But the guy could be badass, too. SPN canon tells us of John's towering reputation among hunters; but canon only shows us a little of why he deserved that rep. Sometimes a little is enough, though. Remember this?
John turned a whole cistern into holy water...just in case. So when he needed it, all he had to do was turn on a tap. The only one who can beat that is Bobby blessing the water main in No Rest For The Wicked and sending holy water through the sprinklers. I wonder which of them taught the other that trick.
And if I still haven't convinced you...who can resist that smile?