briarwood: (ZenFen Moon)
Morgan Briarwood ([personal profile] briarwood) wrote2012-04-16 08:50 pm

Really bad movies

This is mostly for Mel, but heck, I know a few other friends who might appreciate it. I have a movie to add to the terrible-awful-movies list. It's Never Cry Werewolf, starring Nina Dobrev (of The Vampire Diaries and Kevin Sorbo aka Hercules.

That cast is the reason I bought the DVD; I wasn't really expecting much of the movie. The tragedy of it, is there's a blockbuster movie buried in there. Actually, a blockbuster I'm quite fond of: the plot is identical to Fright Night (I'm talking about the 1985 original; I never saw the remake so I don't know how close it is) with a werewolf next door instead of a vampire and lovable-geek Charlie Brewster replaced with teen sex kitten, Loren. Other than that, same plot exactly, which is why I'm sure this piece of crap probably started with a good, solid script. It's also got a darn good cast: both the actors I've already mentioned are very good and the rest of the cast are not bad, either.

Somewhere along the way, though, it turned into something truly awful. Let's start with how Loren knows the new neighbour is a werewolf because - get this - he has hairy palms. And just in case we didn't notice, we get a scene with him shaving them! Then there's his, uh, well, dog. It is a dog, ostensibly a pet...I guess it was meant as a familiar but it was never exactly explained. At first, its presence serves to illustrate how odd werewolf-guy is: he talks to his dog! And the dog does what he says! 'Cause that never happens, right? But the best/worst thing about the dog is what happens in the gun store. See, our heroine has gone looking for silver bullets and werewolf-guy followed her. For some reason, he sends the dog after her. Dog gets shot. Boo hoo. Then comes the good bit: the corpse of the dog gets up and turns into a, uh, pink zombie-dog. Pink. I kid you not. I think it was supposed to be red and bloody, like it was skinless, but it just turned out pink. (I suspect they ticked off the special effects guy and this was his revenge.) And the werewolf transformation stuff is just laugh out loud bad.

There are a couple of good moments. There's the scene when werewolf-guy confronts Loren and she tells him she knows how to hurt him. He thinks she's talking silver, but no - she knees him in the balls. Spunky gal! And there's the part where Kevin Sorbo's character has to explain to Loren that, actually, he's an actor and all the heroic stuff she's seen him doing on TV is staged. Though the film doesn't show anything of his TV show, so it's hard to judge whether it was reality-tv or she's just that dumb, but I just kept seeing him as Hercules, and thinking, yeah, you can see where she'd misunderstand some of that. Not the superpowers thing so much as the character. And watching him climb a tree to escape the werewolf was worth the price of the DVD.

And then they spoiled it again by making Loren, for some unfathomable reason, spend the final act running around in leather pants and a bra, like a pedophile fantasy of Lara Croft. terrible movies I was gonna say I've seen worse but I can't think of one just now.

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