briarwood | Review/Rant: Blood Noir

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Review/Rant: Blood Noir

So I just finished Blood Noir, the latest - ahem - novel in the Anita Blake series. According to the LKH blog it's now #1 on the New York Times bestseller list.

Gotta love Laurell K Hamilton. She has the world's worst editors. She has no idea how to construct a plot. Her characterisation is inconsistent and sloppy. She created a magical universe with immutable rules and has broken every single one of them. She does great research on guns, but falls down on the kind of basic biology any teenager should know (and doesn't she claim to have a biology degree?) And her latest excuse for a plot depends on the kind of cliched and unrealistic contrivance that would never, ever get published if she were a new author.

Sometimes I think I read her novels just to boost my own ego: I mean, if she has enough fans to make a living off this stuff, then my own poor fanfic must be Nobel Prize for Literature material.

I "read" LKH as audiobooks. I don't buy paper copies any longer. I find the grammatical errors far less irritating when it's read aloud; I guess because normal speech does tend to be ungrammatical. Other faults in the writing, though, are way more irritating, 'cause I can't throw my iPod across the room the way I might a paperback.

So, Blood Noir. It opens with a surprisingly non-supernatural plot: Jason's estranged father is dying of cancer and Jason wants to visit and maybe reconcile. To achieve this, he needs to go home with a girl on his arm because his dad's a homophobic, abusive bastard and thinks Jason is gay. [At this point, to be honest, the plot loses me a little because if I were Jason I'd have sent daddy dearest a card saying "see you in Hell" and left it at that. But maybe Jason is a nicer person than I am.] Anyhow, Anita ends up volunteering to be his beard and they fly out to Jason's hometown in Jean Claude's private jet. Immediately they are met by one of LKH's stock characters: thug-bodyguard, who addresses Jason as "Keith" and starts ordering them around.

Here's the thing. Mistaken identity plots are always fun, and this was potentially a great idea. But even identical twins are never truly identical. Close enough to fool a casual acquaintance, sure. Close enough for the gossip columns to have a field day, yes. But so identical even their own family can't tell them apart? No. Jason is supposedly a distant relative of this other family. The story hints he might be a half-brother to to the man he supposedly resembles but it's not clear whether that's the case only that certain people believe it is. But even so, the notion that half-brothers could resemble each other so closely that no one will believe Jason's protests that he isn't "Keith" strains credulity way past breaking point. Some writers are good enough to get away with the twins-you-can't-tell-apart plot device. LKH just isn't that good, and her entire plot hinges on the reader believing these two men (one of whom never even appears "onstage") can be that alike. It just doesn't fly. Especially not when Jason is a minor celebrity in his own right: you'd think some enterprising reporter would already have dredged up sexy pictures of him from the Guilty Pleasures web site and tried to pass them off as this other dude.

Such issues aside, the plot chuggs along, with the mistaken identity causing big problems for everyone, but things generally progressing in a predictable way: Jason's dad proves to be every bit as bad as we're led to expect and his other family are either just as bad or totally wet. There is a fair bit of irrelevant pop psychology and talk about feelings. There is sex, though thankfully not as much as in recent LKH outings. For the longest time, nothing supernatural is going on. It seems like a strange choice. I mean, what LKH/Anita describes as "the metaphysical" aspects of her plots can be seriously annoying because she never bloody well resolves anything and keeps on breaking her own rules. But to strip it entirely out of a story for so long is even stranger, particularly given that Jason is, after all, a werewolf, and Anital is whatever the hell she's supposed to be this time around. So when the supernatural - sorry, metaphysical - actually does show up, it seems weirdly out of balance. And, naturally, it's at this point the whole plot just falls to pieces.

The second half of the book is an execise in frustration and how-not-to-write. I could give examples, but just thinking of them makes my blood boil. Anita started out as this fantastic independent character who wouldn't take crap from anyone. Now she pretends to be this strong, independent woman while utterly failing to notice she's in an abusive relationship with one man (JC) and lets another man (Richard) repeatedly rape her and get away with it. And I dare not even get started on LKH pushing some idiotic anti-abortion agenda through her characters. (That's the part where she fails on basic biology because what a certain character says is utter rubbish. Not to mention basic ~~feminsim~~ humanity, because when a woman has been repeatedly raped for two days straight, and she asks for a morning after pill, the only appropriate response from any man is to ask for directions to the nearest pharmacy. For him to even begin to imply she shouldn't get a choice is justifiable homicide. I really, really fucking mean that. Oh, goodie, seems I did get started on it after all. Stopping now.)

What I will rant on, though, is her homophobia. There's this conversation, see, between Jason, Anita and various members of Jason's family. The basic premise is they believe he's gay because someone once claimed to have seen him with another guy. And they have this whole talk about how no one will believe he and Anita are a couple because he's gay because he had this one sexual encounter with a guy. One sexual encounter with a guy, among apparently hundreds of girls (and Jason denies that it happened anyhow). During this conversation, Jason (who is canonically bisexual, not hetero) simply protests his heterosexuality. Anita proclaims herself his lover and gives lip service to being-homophobic-is-wrong, and various other characters display themselves as utter bigots. There's this one part where Anita takes exception to the language being used...yet LKH doesn't have the guts to put actual homophobic language into her characters' mouths. Now, I admit, I'm not American and my notion of what language would be appropriate - or not - in that scene is pretty much a British one. But I do have a rough idea of the American idiom from movies and it's not this. It's as if LKH - or maybe her editors - thinks that putting homophobic languge into the mouth of a character meant to be an indefensible bigot is somehow unacceptable. It seems supremely ironic that the writer of some of the most offensive pornography I've ever read, who peppers her novels with words like "fuck", "slut", "bitch" and "whore", would be too delicate in her sensibilities to put "queer" or "fag" in print even in a condemnatory context. I'm not entirely sure what to make of it, actually, but I do know I found it extremely offensive.

*takes deep breath*

I can't stand badfic in fandom, but I seem to have this weird addiction to pro-badfic. That's definitely what this is.

I am happy to discuss any of these issues in comments, but I do ask that you refrain from using misogynistic or homophobic slurs against the real people and/or fictional characters under discussion. If you think Anita is a slut, that's up to you. Call her that in my LJ and I do have a problem with that.

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Thank you. No really, thank you. I'd been on the fence about getting this book because the series has been rapidly spiraling down the drain but this just sort of clinches it for me. No way in HELL is it coming into my home.

You've managed to nail and explain in a way I can't even gather into words that make sense why the series bothers me and why I USED to enjoy it and now don't.

PS-
I thought she had to keep her Pomme de Sang or whatever the hell he is handy so that she could feed the Ardeur before it got too inconvenient? Did she forget that or has Anita finally, conveniently learned to control it better?

You're welcome. Yeah, it really is that bad. Especially the scenes with Richard. The two-day gang rape is glossed over because Anita basically wakes up and can't remember anything, but what Richard says and does after that is disgusting. He was pretty irredemable before but now...I just couldn't figure out why she didn't put a bullet in him.

Did she forget that or has Anita finally, conveniently learned to control it better?

Well...she was having sex with Jason, so I guess that was supposed to be enough. And there was some vague mention of Jean Claude being able to feed her from a distance - it didn't really make sense but I know a screaming plot device when I see it :-)

You know, in the very very beginning, I actually LIKED Richard. For all of maybe one book, I think? Then she started him on this self destructive, self loathing path and he turned into a massive bastard (or maybe it's just his true colors, I don't even know anymore) and yes. A bullet should have his name on it.

Oh yes, SCREAMING plot device. Isn't that just convenient.

Oh! Oh, no. That's one of the revelations in Blood Noir I didn't mention. It's all Anita's fault that Richard is an abusive bastard and a rapist. See, just like she got the Ardeur from Jean Claude through the vampire marks, Richard got Anita's rage from her. This was mentioned in one of the earlier books I think, but in Blood Noir she kind of takes it back from him, she feeds on it like sex, and when it's gone he's back to his old self and she realises it's all her fault. Except it's after that he rapes her, so as far as I'm concerned, he's still an abusive bastard.

I liked Richard myself, in the early books. The whole self-loathing kick didn't bother me so much as the way he seems to "learn his lesson" in every book yet each time he comes back entirely unchanged. And it bugs me that Anita can't see that he's a waste of DNA and would be much improved by a strategically placed silver bullet.

*blink* What?

Wow. She's determined to wreck and mangle everything in this series, isn't she? You almost have to wonder how much of this is deliberate sabotage on LKH's part because seriously. I never would have thought ANYone could be this bad, including her. Well, at least she continues to surprise me. :D

You know I was actually thinking of getting some of these books. My club is offering anthologies and I added a couple to my wish list. So are any of her books worth getting? I buy and share with a couple of friends and family members who are still embroiled in The Dresden Files and some in the Xanth books right now. But it's time to find a new series.

Well, none of them are exactly great literature, but the early novels in the Anita Blake series are well worth reading.

I would recommend the first three without reservation. After that the quality is patchy - sort of when she's good she's very good but when she's bad you want to scratch your own eyes out to make it stop. But you do need to read them in order, and it's worth doing that to get to Obsidian Butterfly (book 9) which is fantastic. Easily the best of the series. But stop there.

From Narcisus in Chains (book 10) onward the series stops being about character and angst and crime and preternatural politics and starts being nothing but porn. Bad porn. There are sex scenes in earlier books but nothing like the later stuff. (If you love Obsidian Butterfly so much you need to know what happens when the characters are reunited, you could read The Harlequin. But skip the rest. Trust me, they ain't worth it.)

Cool. Thanks.

I think someone was trying to get me hooked on the Anita Blake books right as they started going down the toilet. Reading this makes me glad I never bothered. I'll stick with Dresden and his 'improves with every book' progress, thank you. ;-D

Well, like I said to

aerianya above, some of them are well worth reading. You just have to know when to quit and pretend she didn't write any more.

All good writers jump the shark at some point in their careers. Then they realise what they're doing and start doing better again. LKH just doesn't seem to have noticed yet.

Hmm...I clearly have to try one of these books.

Would you have any particular reccomendations for a first read?

Yeah, you kinda have to read them in order. Start with Guilty Pleasures - that's book 1 and keep going until she offends the hell out of you or until you reach book 9, Obsidian Butterfly. Don't read further than that unless really bad porn with dodgy sexual politics is your thing :-)

I'm unbelieving intrigued by the words "dodgy sexual politics"

But sounds like kinda fun. ;p

Well...she has a heck of a lot of people buying her books and they can't all do it because they like literary train wrecks. So there must be some merit in them that I don't see. But...

Anita starts out as a very independent, very feminist character. She's a zombie-raiser and a vampire executioner who helps the police out with preternatural crimes. Then she lets this vampire king basically blackmail her into dating him, which is a bit out of character, but not so much you can't go with it. Her love life gets more and more complicated as she gets more involved in the preternatural world. By the time you get to book 10, though, most of the plotty stuff is at about the same level you get in a fanfic PWP...except these are 800 page novels.

As for dodgy sexual politics, well, here's a sampler:

It's okay to own a sex slave as long as you don't actually have penis-in-vagina sex with him. He's under-age and a former child prostitute but it's okay, really, because he likes to be owned.

Men being attracted to other men is okay, since she's a woman and thinks men are beautiful, but girls who do girls are icky.

Everything that goes wrong in Jean Claude's life is Anita's fault, because she "forces" him to live up to her moral standards. This ignores the fact that he basically stalked her, threatened her and manipulated her until she agreed to screw him, and then mind-raped her (on several separate occasions) to bind her to him against her will. Apparently the way to make a woman fall in love with you is to rape her until she forgives you.

And then there's the ex-fiance who repeatedly rapes her, both physically and psychically, but she can't call it rape because he looks so gorgeous naked and wet. (And as far as he's concerned it's not rape if she has an orgasm.)

...Need I go on?

The awful thing is until it gets that bad, the novels are actually really good.

Yeah, you kinda have to read them in order.

I don't quite agree there. I think that at least the first three can stand on their own.

Oh, I gave up on this series so long ago. And upon reading this, I am glad. Very glad. ::headdesk::

I know. It really is like watching a train wreck.

I discovered and fell in love with this series when the third book had just come out. She soon became one of my favorite writers. But it has definitely gone down hill--except for Obsidian Butterfly which is so good because she is away from St. Louis and there is no sex--and that's the reason why I read the book version in the bookstore before deciding if I would buy it (I didn't). I actually thought this book was a little better than some of the other recent stories because it didn't have as many sex scenes and the supernatural took a bit of a lesser role. To paraphrase from other comments, her sex scenes have become bad porn and not remotely erotic. She doesn't seem to understand the statement less is more. The sex scenes are actually more of an annoyance in the supposed plot than advancing it. While on some level ardeur is an interesting idea, particularly for a character who at first didn't have much sex and the repercussions on her personality and mental state, not every sexual encounter has to be described in such detail.

I liked Richard for the first couple of books. But she really has turned him into a real bastard. Like you said, it's annoying that he seems to have these breakthrough and then every book backtracks. While it is completely realistic that people lapse in their evolution she doesn't really portray him with any redeeming qualities. He never really moves forward and then its all Anita's fault. While this could be a convenient method to rehabilitate his character a bit it doesn't happen. Someone could argue that there's nothing wrong with him as a character having trouble sharing the woman he loves with other people and even realizing that he has to go back to Jean-Claude to deal with the ardeur before it gets out of control and abandoning Anita at the same time he even realizes it is cowardly, but since there is never any progress with his character from one book to another I don't have any belief in it. I guess it is no surprise that Richard is portrayed so badly because it does seem that she associated his with her ex-husband. When she was happy with him, he was a sympathetic character and then after the divorce he just goes down hill. Then, there is a new guy in her life and she magically is attracted to him with no real faults. I don't like Micah just because he doesn't seem to have much personality, he's just a yes-man.

I actually thought this book was a little better than some of the other recent stories because it didn't have as many sex scenes and the supernatural took a bit of a lesser role.

I think the problem I have is the supernatural didn't have a lesser role - it was just all crammed into the second half. And there was so little of the supernatural stuff in the first half it felt really weird. Things I would have expected to come up - like Jason's emotions causing him issues with his inner wolf - weren't even mentioned. It was so very mundane that although the first half was good (by LKH standards at least) it didn't feel like an Anita story. And then it's like someone flipped a switch and we were ass deep in supernatural gang rape and stuff that didn't make any sense at all. Not to mention the rookie error of the memory-loss plot device in a first person narrative. If her editor didn't catch that, she probably didn't bother to read it.

I guess it is no surprise that Richard is portrayed so badly because it does seem that she associated his with her ex-husband. When she was happy with him, he was a sympathetic character and then after the divorce he just goes down hill.

Yes. But the real problem isn't Richard's character, it's that LKH doesn't have the guts to make everyone else act in-character around him. After what he tried to do to Anita in The Harlequin, Jean Claude should have built a silver cage in the basement and shoved Richard into it. Feed him alternate Tuesdays and full moons but never let him see daylight again. He proved himself too much of a threat to everyone to do otherwise. And after what he did in Blood Noir, Anita should be planning to kill the bastard because, frankly, the risk that his death might kill her and JC too would be worth it for them to be free of him. That would be in character for everyone...but because LKH has no idea how to construct a plot, she doesn't see it.

I have to run out so I don't have much time to respond but... I completely agree that the supernatural, which is the core of this series, was just jammed in the second half and it just seemed disconnected from the rest of the plot. It's so frustrating because a lot of her plots have potential to explore, in detail, the interesting world she has created with broad strokes, i.e. the political and social situation of a vastly changed world when monsters were given political rights (kind of like the after the civil war (U.S.) when African Americans suddenly had rights in the South, but without the actions of the North during the 10-year Reconstruction), and the conflict of Jason controlling his wolf while confronting his father who is probably the root of many of his buttons, etc. These ideas, at least some of them, raised at some point during the series are not developed to a real plot or character evolvement except on a most basic level and even then, are not followed through.

I totally agree about what should happen to Richard. But have you seen the boards at her website? There's basically this huge group of so called fans who think Richard walks on water and IMO Laurell has started to pander to them instead of having him face the consequences of his actions.

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Review/Rant: Blood Noir

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