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Confessional #1
So, let’s start catching up on my life.
Way back during the Iraq war, I was very open about my politics on social media (back then, largely LJ). The internet wasn’t as toxic then as it can be now, but I still got burned by a lot of people I had considered friends. That’s bygones, I don’t hold grudges and I understand better now where some people were coming from. Not enough to agree, but…whatever.
Point being, when a certain asshole got elected as US President, followed by the UK electing his evil twin, I felt I needed to take a break. I didn’t have the energy to have those conversations online and also in the real world. I suppose it sounds like paranoia but it did occur to me that if things got as bad as they could, having very little online might be an advantage.
In March 2020 - yeah, you know what’s coming, right - in March 2020 I was actually on holiday, all alone in Cornwall. I was thinking it was about time to end my self-imposed exile and that’s when the entire world got turned upside down by COVID. Suddenly my job, which had been relatively stress-free and fun, became really intense. I work in information governance for a government department that was vital to what was happening in the UK. IG is essentially about making sure the organisation takes proper care of sensitive data, and boy did we suddenly have lots of sensitive data flooding in. What used to be an easy job was suddenly enough work for three people. Plus I couldn’t go into the office because we were all in lockdown…I barely had time to watch TV for a while, let alone write or read fanfic. Or journal. So my already long break got longer, and when I finally managed to move to a new job (just a wee sideways move to learn some new skills) it was really hard to get myself back into that headspace. I missed all my online friends like crazy, but it felt weird to just post and say hi after so long. Took a while to make myself do it.
During lockdown, we lost two of our dogs: Poppy (in my icon) to old age (she was 15) and Amber to some kind of cancer. She went downhill so fast there was no chance to get treatment. One week she was fine, the next we were making a vet appointment and the week after we had to let her go. So 2020 pretty much sucked - which I think was true for most people.
We also gained a new dog at the end of the year: Honey is a chihuahua and super-cute. I’ll post some photos when I remember how.
2021 was the year I learned some things about myself that I really should have understood years ago. I’ll post about this another time. But it’s been a journey.
Then from 2022 onwards I’ve been dealing with Mum’s deteriorating health. I live with Mum, so I’ve always been her carer, technically, but she didn’t really need one before. Just someone to help occasionally. But she had a bad infection, got sent home from the hospital too soon, got it even worse and needed surgery - and she’s in her 80s so surgery was a huge deal. NHS Wales, by the by is bloody amazing once the actually admit you need care - but getting there was a nightmare. 48 hours before we could be seen by an actual consultant! She could have died waiting. But all is good now. Mum is recovered, but she’s not getting back to where she was. She’s less mobile, has much less energy and generally needs more help than before. It’s fine; nothing I can’t handle. At least she still has all her marbles; that’s one thing I know I can’t handle.
I’m 50 now. A friend from my schooldays is still a close friend and we both wanted to mark the big 5-0 by going up in a hot air balloon. We had booked a flight but they are very weather-dependent and so far all three…no, four attempts have been cancelled. I’m hoping we can get one more try in this year. Kinda want to manage it before I turn 51.
Another item on my bucket list: I have a holiday in Inverness booked for my birthday this year. Travelling by sleeper train and as long as the weather isn’t horrible I can hike around Loch Ness. If it is horrible, I’ll just have to explore the city instead.
There - that’s some of the highlights since I last posted.
Way back during the Iraq war, I was very open about my politics on social media (back then, largely LJ). The internet wasn’t as toxic then as it can be now, but I still got burned by a lot of people I had considered friends. That’s bygones, I don’t hold grudges and I understand better now where some people were coming from. Not enough to agree, but…whatever.
Point being, when a certain asshole got elected as US President, followed by the UK electing his evil twin, I felt I needed to take a break. I didn’t have the energy to have those conversations online and also in the real world. I suppose it sounds like paranoia but it did occur to me that if things got as bad as they could, having very little online might be an advantage.
In March 2020 - yeah, you know what’s coming, right - in March 2020 I was actually on holiday, all alone in Cornwall. I was thinking it was about time to end my self-imposed exile and that’s when the entire world got turned upside down by COVID. Suddenly my job, which had been relatively stress-free and fun, became really intense. I work in information governance for a government department that was vital to what was happening in the UK. IG is essentially about making sure the organisation takes proper care of sensitive data, and boy did we suddenly have lots of sensitive data flooding in. What used to be an easy job was suddenly enough work for three people. Plus I couldn’t go into the office because we were all in lockdown…I barely had time to watch TV for a while, let alone write or read fanfic. Or journal. So my already long break got longer, and when I finally managed to move to a new job (just a wee sideways move to learn some new skills) it was really hard to get myself back into that headspace. I missed all my online friends like crazy, but it felt weird to just post and say hi after so long. Took a while to make myself do it.
During lockdown, we lost two of our dogs: Poppy (in my icon) to old age (she was 15) and Amber to some kind of cancer. She went downhill so fast there was no chance to get treatment. One week she was fine, the next we were making a vet appointment and the week after we had to let her go. So 2020 pretty much sucked - which I think was true for most people.
We also gained a new dog at the end of the year: Honey is a chihuahua and super-cute. I’ll post some photos when I remember how.
2021 was the year I learned some things about myself that I really should have understood years ago. I’ll post about this another time. But it’s been a journey.
Then from 2022 onwards I’ve been dealing with Mum’s deteriorating health. I live with Mum, so I’ve always been her carer, technically, but she didn’t really need one before. Just someone to help occasionally. But she had a bad infection, got sent home from the hospital too soon, got it even worse and needed surgery - and she’s in her 80s so surgery was a huge deal. NHS Wales, by the by is bloody amazing once the actually admit you need care - but getting there was a nightmare. 48 hours before we could be seen by an actual consultant! She could have died waiting. But all is good now. Mum is recovered, but she’s not getting back to where she was. She’s less mobile, has much less energy and generally needs more help than before. It’s fine; nothing I can’t handle. At least she still has all her marbles; that’s one thing I know I can’t handle.
I’m 50 now. A friend from my schooldays is still a close friend and we both wanted to mark the big 5-0 by going up in a hot air balloon. We had booked a flight but they are very weather-dependent and so far all three…no, four attempts have been cancelled. I’m hoping we can get one more try in this year. Kinda want to manage it before I turn 51.
Another item on my bucket list: I have a holiday in Inverness booked for my birthday this year. Travelling by sleeper train and as long as the weather isn’t horrible I can hike around Loch Ness. If it is horrible, I’ll just have to explore the city instead.
There - that’s some of the highlights since I last posted.
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I'm sorry about your dogs and your mom; it's never easy to lose pets and to have to shift your responsibilities/role with a parent.
I hope you're able to go up in a hot air balloon! My husband and I did so a while ago and it was so much fun!
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Yes, it’s an odd feeling. I am older than my dad ever got to be…and that’s truly weird to me.
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I am having an overwhelm and can't think what to say, but wanted to at least say hi and I saw this!