Be Careful What You Wish For: Dean in the Pilot

It’s difficult to write about Dean as he was at the beginning of Supernatural, without being influenced by the man he became. But the pilot is a good place to start.

Dean is four years old when we first meet him, a normal, happy boy who loves his parents and his baby brother. That first, short scene where young Dean helps put baby Sammy to bed tells us everything we need to know about what Dean lost: He kisses his baby brother good night with no trace of self-consciousness; he runs into his daddy’s arms with such enthusiasm and he laughs comfortably at John’s joke. Presumably (though this we do not see) this scene is followed by Mary and John putting Dean to bed with just as much affection.

What woke Dean that night? We can only guess, but it seems likely that it was the same thing that woke John: Mary screaming. It’s difficult to imagine what that night was like for such a young child; he crawls out of bed because he knows something is wrong only to find his daddy shoving his baby brother into his arms and yelling at him to get outside. It’s unclear how much of what happened in the nursery Dean actually saw. In Home he tells Sam he remembers the fire, but there’s a significant pause in his retelling, as if there’s more he is unable to speak aloud. There is also that moment at the end of the pilot episode when Jessica dies, and Dean bursts into the room and for a brief moment he stands transfixed by what his happening to her, as if he’s forgotten Sam is even present. It’s only with hindsight that we can know how strongly Dean must have felt to hesitate like that, and it’s this that makes me believe young Dean did, in fact, see his mother up there on the ceiling.

This terrified boy carries the baby outside. He says, It’s okay, Sammy, the words a hope, a need to reassure the baby brother who can’t yet understand what he is saying. The moment frames so much of the man Dean is to become: his instinct even then is to save and protect his baby brother. There’s something else, though. At the end of the flashback we see John, Dean and Sam together on the hood of the Impala, while firemen try to douse the blaze. Dean seems to be watching the firemen work but he’s also huddled against John’s side. John is cradling baby Sammy in his arms and both of his arms are thus occupied. Dean, who has just lost his mother and his home, isn’t even held by his father. This, too, seems to set a pattern for so much of what follows in Dean’s life.

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Crossposted from my blog at Devil's Trap. You can comment here or on the blog.