Pretty Poison

You know how when you're writing, sometimes it feels like a story (or part of it) didn't come from you? Like you're discovering how it 'really' happened instead of making it up?

When I was writing Wolves of Cascade I kept looking for a way to include Naomi in the story, and other than a brief mention of Blair's childhood, she just didn't fit. When I did the first round of edits, I made her absence more explicit. Only mentioned once, but it's there that Blair doesn't have any contact with her and hasn't for a long time. I had a vague idea why that might be, but left it open.

Today, working on the sequel, it all suddenly made sense. Two elements of the story that were never intended to fit together suddenly do, and in a way that totally doesn't feel like it came from me. It's not the way I originally imagined Blair's past, but it works and I think I'm going to keep it. I must keep it: when something comes to life like this, you don't argue!

I'm unclear if this means Naomi will make an appearance in this one; the relvelation/twist involves her, but it's past not present. But if not, I'm sure she'll show up in the next.

Oh, boy, did I just imply there's a third in this series? I 'designed' it as an open-ended 'verse but I get nervous when my muse plans ahead like that!

Happy new year to one and all!

I think I forgot to say that yesterday.

I finished the second draft of my fic for john_w_bigbang this morning. 22,800 words. Actually, I don't think it's very good. At least not yet. It feels more like the beginning of the story than a story in itself but I don't have any plans to continue it.

It's a Haven crossover, and that's one of the reasons it's sort of slippery plot-wise: Haven has so many unanswered questions that I found it difficult to merge the canons in a way that satisfied me. But I think I can bang it into shape and iron out the crappy bits. It's only on draft two; I usually go through at least four.

Finishing this one was my end-of-year goal; I didn't want to have to drop out of another big bang. I want to finish the first sequel to When The World Is Burning next. It's all there in my head, I'm just procrastinating because I have to write something that squicks me. Big time, but the plot demands it.

Other than that, my main writing goal for the new year is going to be my novel. I mentioned it in this post just before Christmas. While I was away I did some more work on the idea and I do think it will work. Me writing original fic? It's been a hell of a long time. But I can do this. I will share, when I have some written, but that may be a while yet. I can't write the way I write fanfic, because I've got to create the world myself. Which means planning is everything.

My other new year goal is to get back into baking, properly. I asked for (and received) Dan Lepard's Short and Sweet for Christmas - it's a brilliant baking book. Much more than just a recipe collection, though it's that too. I am tempted to try to do a "Julie and Julia" with it - bake everything, in other words, but that would be expensive and there are bound to be things in there not to my taste. But I'm going to do a lot. Starting with re-learning how to bake my own bread. I used to do it all the time but I've rather lost the knack. Time to get down and practice.

Day 2 of the snowflake project coming up later!

You know, when they recommend adding whiskey to hot lemon and honey for a cold, I'm not sure it's Jack Daniels they have in mind. What a thing to do to good JD! But it does work.

Yeah, I have a cold. Currently in the miserable feeling-sorry-for-myself phase although objectively speaking it's not really bad. Still, this is a good thing because I'll be on the mend by Christmas. On Friday I leave for five days in Exmouth where I plan to, well, be alone. I need it. Honestly at this point I'd grab a proper retreat - the kind where you take a vow of silence and meditate all day - with both hands but there isn't one I wouldn't need a car to get to. Exmouth will do. I have a nice hotel, two miles of beach which will be wonderful in any weather and no plans other that making time to read my Yuletide gift and watch the Doctor Who special.

Oh, and while I'm thinking of Christmas, I was stupidly late sending my cards out. I got in early enough, I think for the cards going to UK and Europe to get there on time, but my friends in the USA are likely to get theirs in January. I am so sorry! I grovel in abject, uh, something or other. I suck at the holiday spirit this year. But if you are on my Christmas list (i.e. if you requested a card from me in the past and you're still on my flist) I didn't forget. A card is coming.

Two days ago I had the first idea for an original fic I've had for many years. I've been so immersed in fanfic original worlds just haven't had space in my brain. This one may come to nothing, either, but it's an interesting idea. It has elements I recognise from SPN but it's not going to be like fanfic "with the serial numbers filed off". It's more like SPN has made me think about some things and some of that is coming into this new 'verse in my head. I guess this will fall under the "urban fantasy" genre, so I can't claim it's never been done before, but it's not like anything I've read in the genre. No vampires sparkly or otherwise and no werewolves, skinwalkers, angels or demons. The idea is that all those mythological things are the same thing, a reality behind the folk tales. I've still got a lot to work out though and I have certain fanfic commitments that are gonna come first.

The first of my sequels to When the World is Burning currently stands just shy of 20,000 words. I've been rushing to finish it in the hope of getting it done for ladiesbigbang. It's a good candidate for that challenge, being mainly focussed on Anna and some other female characters but although it's just feasible I could, I don't think I'd be doing the story justice if I hurry it. I've reached a good point to pause and let what happens next unfold more naturally.

For those waiting for a resolution to the Dean and Sam storyline in WTWIB, this isn't it. The idea is that this story Hour of Need has the same first chapter as the other sequel (as yet untitled), and the two run in parallel, so HoN follows Anna and to a lesser extent Castiel, with Dean and the others involved only peripherally, and the other will focus on all the characters in WtWiB and Dean trying to save Sam from Lucifer. Ideally, you'll be able to read the two in any order. I'm beginning to think my planned trilogy might need a fourth installment to wrap it all up...but I don't know yet.

*

ION they posted the second round of vacancies at work last week and lo and behold, there's one I like. ONE. But it has some very specific requirements which not many people are going to be able to fill - and I'm one of them. So unless this is one of those where they've already got a candidate lined up, I'm hopeful. Got my application in today. I have no clue when I'll hear but it'll probably be a few weeks.

So, my head is officially the weirdest place ever. Sort of. Maybe.

How exactly did I go from my BB fic which is dark, dark as in the light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train dark, to writing both femslash and sexin' angels in the sequel. In the same fic.

Apparently my brain has forgotten my golden rules. I don't do angels. Period. Except apparently now I do. *sigh*

I dunno about the femslash thing, though. I need it in my plot, and I like the pairing, but there's a reason I've written only two femslash fics, ever. Maybe I'll beg geonncannon to spice up my sex scenes. I'm a gay woman, but I can't write f/f sex.

I have my fic review of the year to post, but I really haven't written all that much this year. My Jennifer's Body crossover, my ladiesbigbang story, a couple of short fics... Mostly, this has been a year of stories I've started but not finished, because my brain/muse insists on producing ambitious epics.

Next month starts Big Bang season in SPN fandom, which means I'm perusing those ambitious WIPs and thinking about which ones I might be able to finish.

For spn_j2_bigbang I have three possibilities. When The World Is Burning is an apocalyptic story, an AU beginning after the season 4 finale. It has a huge cast: Sam and Dean (obviously), Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Castiel and brief appearances from a lot of characters who have appeared in just one ep: Haley from Wendigo, Missouri Mosely, Kat from Asylum, Mara from Folsom Prison Blues...possibly some others. Original characters, too. It's, well, ambitious. I've got nearly 35,000 words written and I'm nowhere near the end. I'm not even sure I'm at the middle. It's written in episodes, a bit like a virtual season, and I don't have a full season plan yet. I originally intended it to be a slow-burn wincest fic, but so far there's one sex scene between Sam and a female character, sparkage (but no action) between Dean and Jo, and just the one hint of possible Sam/Dean. It could end up going in any direction.

My second option for spn_j2_bigbang is a post-season-5 fic. Again, it's AU, largely because I started it right after the S5 finale...in fact, it picks up right at the last scene of the finale. This one is a dark tale about just how far Dean is willing to go to pull Sam out of Hell. I don't have as much of this one written (less than 3,000 words so far), but I've got a clearer plan for how this one will go. The working title is A Season In Hell. This one would be gen, but with the emotional side of the Sam/Dean relationship very full-on. So sort of wincest without the sex, if you follow me.

I do have a third fic that might be suitable for spn_j2_bigbang. Tentatively titled Kingdom Come this is another apocalypse fic, but this one is how it might have gone if both Mary and John had lived. In a way, this is my favourite of the three, because Dean is so very different I actually like him - he's largely angst-free, he's not a hunter when the story begins, he still has daddy-issues but totally different ones... it's fun to re-imagine Dean this way. It's also the only one of the three that involves John. I've written about 4,300 words, but while I have a very clear plan for this one it's going to be the longest of the three. I'm not at all confident I can finish it at all, let alone to a BB deadline. It's het (John/Mary, though not explicit) and slash (Dean/Bobby).

For sncross_bigbang I have two choices.

Both are fics I've begun on paper, so I don't have a wordcount, but I'm in the 'act one' stage of both. One is a crossover with Haven and the main characters from SPN are John Winchester and Gabriel. I'm still a wee bit fuzzy on the plot for this one, but it's more about the mythology of Haven - what the town is, why weird things happen there - than it is about SPN. This is gen, maybe with implied het for the Haven characters. Sam won't appear; Dean may have a cameo.

The other is a crossover with True Blood. This involves some fuzzing of the timelines as it's set pre-series for SPN and roughly current for True Blood. It involves John being obliged to work for Eric Northman (John owes him a serious favour) and the boys raising some hell in Bon Temps while John's busy elsewhere. I don't exactly have a plot yet, but it's definitely Wincest, because with a telepath around to get a psychic earful, how can I resist that? My tentative idea for a plot involves the boys working on what they think is a hunt, that turns out to be something else (like maybe mistaking Sam Merlotte's shapeshifting for a werewolf?) I dunno, I haven't thought it all through yet. I've been concentrating on the worldbuilding, and introducing the characters to each other.

Five stories, all of them super-long, and I'd love to be able to finish all of them. If I try to do that, though, I'll probably finish none, so I must choose. Comments/suggestions/votes welcome :)

Oh, and, happy new year!

Yesterday admiralandrea and krazykipper got their degree results and I couldn't be more happy for both of them!

My OU course result showed up this morning. Not as exciting as theirs, since mine is a pass/fail thing and only a level 1 course, but I passed. I got an 81% average on part 1, 74% on part 2. Which is pretty darn good considering how many issues I had with the material on part 2. Now I've got to decide whether or not I'm continuing with this next year. Part of me really, really wants to. But the bigger part of me is focussed on the cost: in money, but mostly in the things I'd have to give up to really concentrate on study. Like fandom. I reckon I could deal with the monetary cost but the rest? I doubt it.

I got a frantic call from Sis yesterday telling me Mum had texted her and she was really sick and when was I going home. I was almost at the end of my work day so I begged a lift from a colleague and headed home double-quick. I don't know what she'd told Sis but Mum seemed fine to me. She'd been unwell, and was being sulky and miserable, but Sis made it sound like I'd need to call an ambulance the instant I got in. Someone needs a stern talking to about exaggerating ailments. I just need to figure out which one. Grr.

Poppy has her next checkup at the vet tonight. She still isn't walking properly on that leg, but I don't think it's hurting her any more and she's back to being fit and active and running everywhere. She'll use all four legs when she runs - that's why I'm sure it's no longer hurting her - but if she's walking or standing still she still tries to keep it off the ground. Habit, maybe? Hopefully the vet will be pleased with her.

I made a start on a fic for hc_bingo: just outlining so far. It has an...unusual pairing, which seems to be a habit with me just lately. Then it occurred to me that I've got a WiP which fits fairly well with another of my squares. I'd just have to make the 'hurt' stuff a bit more graphic than I originally planned and it might be the push I need to finally finish this one. And then I sat down to write...and ended up with more than 5,000 words of a completely different story. And this one is no good as a bingo square!

How does this happen to me? I know how it happens. I just have this really well-populated back-burner. I get ideas, I shove 'em back there and someday they pop up as if to say "Right, my turn now!" and it just flows. It seems easy, but it's because I've been thinking about it at odd moments for years. In this case, it was an idea about Sam and his friends staying in a supposedly haunted house while he's at Stanford, and how would he deal with it while trying to keep his friends both safe and ignorant of who he really is. Then I thought about tying that idea in somehow with The Haunting of Hill House, just, you know, because. But the idea when I originally thought of it went nowhere. Now suddenly I've got the 'hook' I needed to make this work and I've got all this stuff written...and weirdly, it's all from Jessica's point of view. I think that's a big part of my 'hook': I don't need to explain who Sam is or what he knows - the reader knows all that. The interesting part of the story is Jessica's ignorance: how does she perceive the paranormal activity, how much does Sam inadvertently give away, what will she see in his actions? In a sense, she's a perfect unreliable narrator because the reader will have more information than she does. This could be really good.

Of course, no one will read it because it's icky het and from Jessica's POV :D

I really must do more than outline that hc_bingo fic. And get back to that TV meme. Soon.

As fandom is in the midst of the annual warnings debate...

I strongly dislike warning on fic. I think much of the time warnings act as spoilers. But you know what? I still put warnings on my fic. Because that's just what you do when you write stuff as dark as I do. You take account of the fact that some of what you're putting out there can hurt people.

This latest iteration of the debate led to trigger_fence being created. I started to think about drafting a warnings-policy of my own that I can link to from my fic headers or wherever. But I found doing so a lot more challenging than I expected.

trigger_fence lists the following as things that are triggering and should be warned for:

( Cut for length; discussion of triggering issues under the cut )

This is a response to thefrogg's post about consent issues in fanfic and to theladyscribe's response in which she describes one of her own fics as possibly "dub-con" (Dubious consent).

This is a touchy subject. Here's where I have to insert my standard feminist disclaimer: I am not discussing real life. I'm discussing fanfic, and specifically sexual-fantasy fanfic. In real life, there's no such thing as "dubious consent". In real life, either informed consent exists, or it's rape. Please don't think I can't make that distinction between fiction, fantasy and reality.

( Thoughts on dub-con as a fanfic kink )

It never fails.

I start writing a sex scene; my muse goes bye-bye.

Smeg.